Inner Coaching

Coaching is about life. Of course it is. The client shares a story from the many stories which build and shape their life. They may talk about their work environment or projects, they may want help with a decision or grow their leadership capability. Many of my clients say how they want to refocus their life and find a greater meaning. Whatever, all our clients have life stories about joy and woe, challenges, ambition, hopes, and their relationships.

What is more, as coaches we are not passive and external to all this life story telling. We know from our practice that the client invites us to be present, to witness and attend to the story of their life. We are being asked to be committed, to listening with our whole being and even be impacted by it. We cannot sit with our client and be unmoved or uninvolved, so it is our supervision and reflective practice which help us unpick how our engagement is helpful and unhelpful.

Because all of this is true, because the precious life story of our client is a drama retold, maybe even re-enacted, and because we are alert and caught up in this moment, the life story and its telling becomes enormously significant and important. I would even say that the story and that moment becomes holy. It is as if the coachee and I sit within the still centre of life, waiting and listening for the unfolding of this precious life story. Then, when the life story has been told we pause and keep silence if only to mark that something important has happened. What has been said cannot be unsaid it has an eternity about it as we sit in that still centre.

In Ancient Greek there are three words for ‘life’. The first is bios (βίος) meaning biological life, everyday physical life, the bodily state of being alive. Psuche (ψυχή) means soul or breath and refers to the individual human psychological or emotional life. This kind of life forms our identity and personality and thus also shapes our behaviour, choices and emotional responses. This is the domain of psychology and certainly coaching has an interest and involvement in this form of life.

The third Greek word for life is Zoe (ζωή). Zoe is life in its purest, dynamic and most essential. This life is universal it is shared by all humans, all living creatures and plants. It is everywhere and in every cell. It is the quality of this life in this word which gives a spiritual vitality which cannot be diminished by physical death. For the Greeks zoe was far more significant than bios and psuche because zoe lifts the human out from the stress of physical existence, survival and death. Zoe frees the human from the emotional and psychological struggle with the ego and invites a participation in a dynamic life which is eternal. The Greeks taught this extraordinary and eternal life of zoe is accessed through an awakening, a heightened awareness.

I want to play and ponder with the idea that zoe is at the heart of the coaching relationship and purpose (and indeed at the heart of all deep human interaction and sharing). That moment when the client has finally managed to tell their life story, and by doing so, something new has happened. Or when something important has been realised, a freedom has been enabled or a creativity has been expressed – there is a wonder, often a silence, maybe even a brief unity with the universe. Surely it is zoe.

There is a question I have been using for a number of years in my one to one conversations. It is a question I first found in Christian spiritual direction and I now use it regularly in coaching. At the right time and with the right person it never fails to land. It is “what gives you life?” or sometimes “what brings you life?” Each of my various clients have been grateful for this question possibly because it asks a most fundamental question about what gives us energy and life and asks how we can choose this in our everyday life. It is a question which awakens us to zoe and maybe it is an invitation to live it again.

Awakening to zoe, realising once again the abundance and opportunities of life in the coaching process is surely spirituality.

But what about death? We are bios and we will die. Our clients tell us about opportunities and promotions they missed. Their hopes and dreams are sometime dashed. Marvellous work projects come to an end as do relationships sometimes. Maybe our clients keep choosing the negative out of habit. Very often prisoners would tell about their bad life choices and how they keep falling into the same trap such as violence. I might tell a story from the end of the Torah – where Moses sets before the people of Israel life and death, pleading with them to choose life. Maybe in some way and to a smaller or greater degree we all choose life each day.

So yes, coaching is about life and as the coach and coachee grapple with what life means, its purpose and value and how it may be shaped – a spirituality unfolds in the coaching environment.